In order to be as annoying as possible to those involved, I've decided to take both sides and make it a goal of mine to be more open and malleable. There are some synonyms that ring a little more for me, so I call this listening and being dynamic.
So, my biggest goal for 2019 is to listen, and be dynamic.
Listen
Some of the best moments in life are the ones that surprise us. Meeting a person that makes you think differently, finding a new passion that you had never considered and laughing (you can't laugh if you're not surprised; if you don't believe me, try it) are all examples. In order to be surprised, though, you need to be willing to be surprised. This requires listening (both figuratively and literally), and being open to being wrong, since if you know everything, then by definition you can't be surprised.
When we listen to others without agenda, we are allowing them to influence us, to change us and surprise us. In a way, this is a very humble thing to do. It is an act of submission, and it's part of the reason of why it is so damn hard to listen well. The corollary to this is that if you are never changed or surprised, then you probably aren't listening.
This is a real challenge for me. Reader (you know who you are) of this blog will know that I can be task oriented. I walk into a lot of conversations with an agenda, either to learn something, or even worse, to show that I already know something.
I have also been focusing on having more discipline and building good habits. But if you plan out your entire life, and are never surprised, it probably won't be very enjoyable. We need enough discipline to carry out the ideas that seize us and that seem worthwhile, but we also need space and openness to be "seized".
Be Dynamic
Falling into routine is often portrayed as a negative thing, but routine can be good. To accomplish anything of difficulty, you need consistency. You can't become a virtuoso pianist by practicing only when the mood strikes you, and you can't become a doctor by only studying the the subjects that excite you. But routine can also lead to a sort of "autopilot" mindset, where you only do the things that are easy and familiar and you avoid anything new and intimidating.
I like to picture this as a spectrum ranging between pure routine and pure spontaneity. If you're entire life is spontaneous, you will experience many diverse things, but you will miss out on some of the deeper pleasures in life, which require time and devotion, like admiring your well-tended garden. C.S. Lewis explains this phenomenon best in Mere Christianity:
People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on "being in love" for ever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change—not realising that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last. The sort of thrill a boy has at the first idea of flying will not go on when he has joined the R.A.F. and is really learning to fly. The thrill you feel on first seeing some delightful place dies away when you really go to live there.
Does this mean it would be better not to learn to fly and not to live in the beautiful place? By no means. In both cases, if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest. What is more (and I can hardly find words to tell you how important I think this), it is just the people who are ready to submit to the loss of the thrill and settle down to the sober interest, who are then most likely to meet new thrills in some quite different direction. The man who has learned to fly and becomes a good pilot will suddenly discover music; the man who has settled down to live in the beauty spot will discover gardening.The "settling down to sober interest" that C.S. Lewis mentions requires a balance between routine and spontaneity. If you don't have routine, you won't settle down and sober up, and if you don't have spontaneity, you won't find the interest. After all, the pilot didn't expect to discover music when he set out to fly.
Like many things in life, a balance is required. Mine has tipped towards the routine end of the spectrum lately. I've established a routine that's become very familiar and is productive for a few established things like focusing at work, exercising and cooking at home. Sometimes it feels like a train on a single track - I'm definitely traveling somewhere, but it's hard to take a turn when I see something something interesting and worthwhile.
I don't claim to know what the "right" balance is, but there are some small techniques I've been using to try and be more dynamic.
The 6 Week Rule
I recently tried a 6 week bulking program as a way to get stronger and to avoid spending the winter running on the treadmill. I found 6 weeks to be the perfect timeframe for trying something new. It requires a lot of discipline to do something for 6 weeks, but at the end, you are forced to listen to and reflect on your experiences, and you are forced to find something new.
6 weeks isn't a terribly long time. If you try something and hate it, then you can't say it was a great shame. You can spread out what would be a very intense project into manageable pieces (the bulking program only required 3 hours per week). But it also is long enough to accomplish something of value. In 6 weeks, you could put on a lot of muscle, build an entire web application, learn how to read music or learn to knit.
So if you are like me, and you struggle with the balance between routine and spontaneity, then commit yourself to something new for 6 weeks, give it your best and listen to what the experience tells you.
What Would Make Today Great?
I listened to a podcast once that recommended writing in a journal each morning 1 or 2 things that would "make today great". I'm usually not a fan of these sort of things. I'd imagine it's something you'd find in a book entitled "7 steps to success!!".
However, there is something really practical about this exercise. If you write down a short list of all the things that would make your day great, and none of them are included in your daily routine, then you probably aren't being very dynamic. Usually, when I write this down, exercising is on the list. For me, any version of a great day involves at least some time devoted to being active. On the other hand, watching re-runs of Friends is never on the list, but it sure has become a large part of my daily routine.
My business school teachers would tell me that my goal to Listen, and Be Dynamic is not very S.M.A.R.T (Specific, Relevant, Achievable, Measurable, Time-Bound), but I'm starting to learn from my friends that we don't achieve much happiness or purpose by accomplishing our goals, but we do in choosing them and pursuing them.
